The fallout from therapy

So we went to a therapist to talk about Tom adopting the kids. We spent probably the first half hour just getting aquatinted. She asked the kids what they were going to change their name to and what that meant. They were adamant about being just Owens and not Embrey-Owens. They explained to her why it was important and even that they knew that it meant who they were going to live with if something happened to me. She turns to me and says, "Well I don't see any problems or hesitations. What is your issue again?"

We sent the kids back to the lobby for a few minutes with some toys as I explain to her about the Father's Day catastrophe a few years ago. The kids were so excited Tom and I were dating that they made him a Father's Day coffee mug. They made one for X too and told him that they had given one to Tom. X flipped out and told the kids that if they ever called Tom "Dad" that he would never see them again. We have worked for years to help the kids recover from this. It wasn't until this year that they dropped "Tom" for "Daddie."

We talked about X and his lack of a relationship with the kids and how I thought that that might be the fuel for wanting to change their names. I was concerned that X would use it against them in a few years, despite his initial excitement about being off the hook for child support.

She brought the kids back into the room and dropped some really hard questions on them. She asked them about the Father's Day event to which both said they didn't remember anything. My stomach tensed as she asked, "How will X feel about you being adopted by Tom? What will you say if X talks bad about Tom after your adopted? How will X feel about you after you are adopted?"

Every fiber of my being just wanted to stand up and scream at her for asking such tough questions. I watched the kids squirm trying to figure out the right answer. They were clearly uncomfortable and they looked at me after each question for some clue. I fought to stay neutral, but I'm sure I failed. I was just as uncomfortable as they were. The only one with a decent poker face was Tom. Princess was silent and just agreed with everything Prince said. The therapist was very clear that the answer to X should be, "if that is how you feel, you should talk to mom." Prince's response was he didn't think that was fair because that meant he would be putting me in a tough position.

Ten years old and already the defender. "My dear little man, it is I who should protect you," I explained. I made it very clear that they were the kids. Their job was to learn, play and grow. Mom and Tom would deal with ANY problems or uncomfortable situations because that was our job.

The therapists dismissed us with, "They are happy, healthy children. I see no need to continue sessions. Congratulations." Ok clearly you weren't following along. I need therapy because of this therapy.

We go about our dinner and get ready for bed and Prince wants to talk. He says he doesn't feel like we talk that much and he had some questions for me. "Hit me," I joked. I should have been more clear about that because he asked to decoy questions about my favorite ice cream and favorite game to play and then snuck in, "What if X won't let Tom adopt us just because he doesn't like Tom?"

BAM.

Thinking in my head- well you haven't seen him in a year, we can just file for abandonment- while my mouth said, "He might. That is why we are going to ask him and find out how he feels before we adopt you. X might be scared or feel left out. Maybe he has questions and we need to answer those so he feels ok with this change too." My best ventriloquist act if I do say so myself.

"Well I feel that he is just moving away from the family. We have to keep telling him that we have two dogs and our own room. He doesn't remember anything about our life. And we don't really see him," Prince continues.

I wonder... If you call 911, can they rush a therapist out to the house in an ambulance or something? Clearly this is an emergency.

"Well X makes different choices than we do. You are seeing a different way of life from the way we are raising you. That doesn't make it wrong, just be aware of how it feels because you will see it again in other people. He absolutely loves you. And I know that he thinks about you more often than he talks to you. He doesn't have his life together yet. I am the one who won't let you go stay with him if he doesn't have his own house and a car, but he chooses to live in a different state so that he can't spend time with you on the weekends and stuff. I don't have his phone number or address so we can't call or write when you feel like it, but I think that the next time you talk to him you should tell him what YOU need. Right now, he calls when HE wants to. You need to tell him want YOU want him to do and then it will be up to him to choose to do it. At least you will have made sure he knows what you want," I carefully explained.

He nodded and then we talked about Yughio cards until bedtime. I went to go lay on the couch and unload on my personal therapist, Tom. We agree the issue isn't about whether or not we adopt, but how we manage X and the kids afterwards.

Lifelong therapy here we come.