A growing family

And no I'm not pregnant.

We have been talking wedding plans for what seems like weeks now. The kids are over it and can't figure out why we aren't married already. We have been very careful to take notes and make sure that the wedding/reception/marriage meets their expectations.

In yet another round of finalizing the plans, we reviewed with the itinerary with the kids... one more time. We got to the part where I changed my name and it was like simultaneous light bulbs went off.

"When are we going to change our names?" says Prince.

I slow down time with a long blink. You know the kind where you take in a breath, count to 10 and let it out then open your eyes to see if the world is still how you remembered it.

Princess chimes in, "I want to change my name too."

Still processing. I will be with you shortly.

Tom sees that this is going to take me another minute or two and comes to the rescue, "We can do that. What that means is that I will adopt you. Is that what you want?"

"Then we'll be all one big family!" Prince exclaims. "Well, we will be a family even if you don't change your name," Tom explains.

Ya, I'm still processing.

They roll the idea around at the dinner table for a few more minutes while I think this through. I mean this is great! They are really on board with Tom and I getting married. They are really ready for this family. I couldn't be happier, but this was a little... out of the blue. And I never trust that.

Do they understand what changing their name means? I realize it sounds fun, but there is a whole lot of legal that goes along with that and is a 10 or 8 year old really old enough to understand?

Does allowing them to make this life decision at such an early age set them up to regret it later?

If this is what they truly want and we don't let them, are we sending the message that it isn't important or that we don't think that what they want is valid?

How is this going to affect their relationship with X?

Now take into consideration that in the past two years, I have emailed him reminders to call, and he has done that... twice. He hasn't laid eyes on them since his two hour visit for Prince's birthday last September. One visit in 1.5 years. Maybe my concern is if he going to use this against them? As an excuse as to why he isn't involved in there life.

Is his lack of contact and my changing my name making the kids feel like the have to change their name so that they aren't left behind?

As dinner ends and we clean the table, Princess pulls me aside all tells me that she needs to talk to me in private. So we go to my room, close the door and get cozy on the bed. Her concern? She didn't want to be put up for adoption and have to go live in a foster home.

Double WOW. Of all the things I didn't see coming.

We talked about it for a little bit, but what I realized most through tonight's events is that I am just not the one that can help them with this decision. I mean I would do anything for them, but they need a neutral third party to talk this through. I want this too bad. I want them to feel loved, to belong. To have the father that they need, the father that I know Tom would be for them. But that doesn't mean that they have to change to have all of that.

Sometimes, even with the best of intentions, we can make the wrong decisions. I can't make the wrong one on this.